Alien Race

Having spent 4 years as an engineering undergrad and having chosen a profession dominated by males, it so happens that most of my friends are guys. The ones that are girls tend to be techies and were tomboys in a past life. Every once in a while, however, I have to interact with a race that is completely alien to me: the Girlie Girl. Why is the Girlie Girl completely alien to me? Well, I guess one word would encompass it all: SUPERFICIAL. And to sum up the rest of the reasons why I don't get this elusive race of bipeds, I'll leave it to my trusty top-twenty list:

1. I do not think that sachets have ever been or will ever be useful items.


2. Body Shop girlie soaps are not my idea of a good birthday gift.


3. A day at the spa is not my idea of fun.


4. I hate girls-only weekend getaways. Get away from what? I happen to like my husband, thank-you very much.


5. I'll buy an article of clothing because I like it, not because it's some stupid fad (remember Ugg boots, where Ugg = UGLY) that will fade by next season.


6. I like to keep my fingernails short for rock climbing. And even if I'm not climbing, why the hell would I want to grow them out?


7. My cuticles have never been touched by a manicurist, nor will they ever be.


8. My toenails came without color out-of-the-box, and they will stay that way.


9. I think that ear piercings were invented by masochists, and that clip-ons were invented by even bigger masochists. Who the hell wants to walk around with their earlobes pinched???


10. A lapdog is NOT a tiny dog - it's that dilweed in your department who kisses the boss' ass to make it up the corporate ladder.


11. I think that all capri pants/shorts should be burned in a big bonfire, and never be talked about again.


12. I think that big sunglasses make women look like Jackie O wannabees...plus it makes you all look dumb.


13. I think that Louis Vuitton and Gucci should be arrested by the fashion police for brainwashing so many women into thinking that their stuff actually looks good.


14. I find that bedazzled jeans are just another excuse for jean makers to charge more for an already-overpriced clothing item


15. I think that sun-tanning is a BORING activity that makes pasty white girls look ridiculous after they burn and peel.


16. I think that eyelash curlers were invented by even bigger masochists than the ear-piercing nuts


17. I think that girls who wear excessive make-up are trying to hide something. Imagine what their boyfriends think when they see their significant others sans-make-up? They'd probably run out screaming.


18. I think that guys who put up with girlie-girls are out of their freaking minds. Is the sex really worth all of that high-maintenance you have to put up with??? You don't fool me...


19. I cannot hold any meaningful conversations with girlie girls. I can only talk to them about clothes, shoes, and their boyfriends.


20. Fur trim and leopard print will NEVER EVER EVER make their way to my closet.