Oh, My Mascara is Running!

I don't get mascara. Why would you want to put make-up that close to your eyes anyway? And furthermore, what's up with all of those make-up companies promising thicker, longer, lashes? What the hell are they trying to accomplish with this crap? Will longer, thicker lashes make your boss give you a raise? Or perhaps they enable you to crap gold nuggets? Will they get you a date? Maybe they rid you of disease? No. So, as I said, I don't get it.