Monday, April 03, 2006

Scientologists Come A-Knockin'

Believe it or not, Toronto has an actual Scientology "center" in the downtown area. Whenever I pass by their building in the summer, they've got their little Scientologist drones with tables set up outside, waiting for their next unsuspecting victim to fall prey to their free "stress test". In recent weeks, the Scientologists have decided to stray from the mother ship and send sentinels a few blocks north of their mothership along Yonge street to hand out pamphlets in the hopes of "enlightening" suckers, young and old. Their sentinels are young teenage girls who can't be more than 15 years old. They just stand there on the street corner, looking all nice and innocent, handing out pamphlets. I don't know about you, but that's creepy. Creepier still is the fact that now, the Scientologists have taken to telemarketing. Yes, you read correctly - they are invading our homes via the phone lines. On Saturday morning (telemarketer calls on Saturday mornings are just wrong - but I'll leave that discussion for another day), I actually got a call from a young lady with a very pleasant voice asking me if I wanted to know more information about dealing with stress, anxiety, and depression, coping with loss, etc. Although she never identified herself as a Scientologist, I know for a fact that the above items are part of the Scientologist doctrine. To see for yourself, go to the official Scientology Web site. What unsuspecting victims don't know is that all this talk about personal well-being is nothing more than a front to their cooky and brain-washing ideology.

Now, Scientology is actually considered a "religion" by some. If you're one of these people, I suggest that you check yourself into the nearest mental hospital, because you need psychiatric help. Newsflash people: (in my humble opinion) Scientology is a cult!!! Why, do you ask? Well, why don't we take the story of Xenu. Scientologists believe that an extra-terrestrial named Xenu carried a bunch of frozen aliens in rocket ship versions of Douglas DC-8s which he later deposited in a bunch of volcanoes and blew up with a hydrogen bomb. Sounds pretty darn outrageous, doesn't it? If you don't believe me, feel free to read this very amusing article on Wikipedia. These guys might as well be the bubble-wrap-jumpsuit-wearing cult nerds from the movie Dude, Where's My Car? (Yes, I admit that I watched this.) Now, I'm not one to rule out extra-terrestrial life. To believe that we're alone in the Universe is extremely naïve. After all, the Universe is a pretty big place with billions of galaxies - you do the math. On the other hand, trying to convince people that alien rulers taking shiploads of aliens to Earth to blow them up in a volcano is just ridiculous. THINK ABOUT IT!!!


Anonymous said...

I think it would be fun, one of these days to go try take one of their free scientology evaluation tests. Just to see where we stand. Who knows, we might actually be the reincarnation of L Ron Hubbard.

It'll be like going for a Tarot Card reading, or getting your fortune read.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, you think it's fun now, but that's how they suck you in.... maybe you should go give it a try and see what happens. :P If we don't hear from you again, we'll all know what happened. :P

IndyComp0T1 said...

I agree with David. Haven't you heard of reporters doing under-cover stories on cults, only to get sucked into the cult? Dangerous!

Anonymous said...

Well..... I saw it happen on South Park.... and everything turned out ok in the end. If it was shown on tv, it must be true.

And surely, if South Park cannot be considered a reliable source, then what can?